Ewan McGregor: God ‘a bit upset’ by LHC experiment

Large Hadron Collider Celebrity News: Hollywood Brit Ewan McGregor, chosen once again as the emissary of God yesterday, expressed how the supreme being was left feeling ‘ miffed’ by the latest CERN experiment.

“Basically,” said God via McGregor, “I’m obviously chuffed that you humans have got this far. I just wanted to let you know that it’s not that simple and you’ve a long way to go before you can roll like me.”

In order to deflect some of the worldwide media attention back onto himself, God staged a rival experiment in the early hours of this morning. Using Wembley Stadium as his arena, and with McGregor as his witness, God successfully created two mini Big Bangs, doubling the number achieved by the Large Hadron Collider in France, before going on to create perpetual fireworks in a variety of colours and forms and finishing with a soup that heats itself.

Dr David Evans, a CERN scientist, commented: “Fair play to the big guy – he’s come through strong at the end and we had nothing left in the locker.”

Both the Catholic and Christian Churches welcomed God’s achievements. Leaders of the Islamic faith, however, were rather more bullish, suggesting that Allah was on the verge of five Big Bangs at once, a cure for the common cold and shoes that played disco hits from the 70’s when the heels are clicked.