The Brooks 500 SpiPhone

NEWS OF THE WORLD SCANDAL: With advertising revenues set to dive along with circulation figures, News International tried to turn the commercial tide today by bringing forward the launch of its own ‘not so smart’ phone: the Brooks 500.

While the revelations continue to break – and it seems that the News of the World was prepared to target any grief-stricken family’s privacy in the interest of headlines – Rupert Murdoch’s PR machine is using the Brooks 500 as a chance to ‘seize back the debate.’

“The Brooks 500 SpiPhone is at the forefront of open-source community relations,” says James Kerr, a spokesperson for Mr. Murdoch, “or what used to be called ‘phone hacking’.”

“News International has always stood for the rights of ordinary people to know what’s going on.”

“Now, thanks to this state-of-the-art piece of communications technology, it takes that concept one step further – by allowing us the right to know what’s going on in the lives of ordinary people.”

“Never has a newspaper been on such intimate terms with the thoughts and feelings of its readership – and with the Brooks 500 in your hand, you too can have sensational access to absolutely anyone you want.”