Global bankers outraged at prison for looting

Representatives of the international banking system spoke today of their outrage at the tough sentences being handed out to teenage looters.

“I mean what kind of message does that send out to our young people?” fumed Christopher Chopwright, billionaire head of Glarings Global.

“Smash ‘n’ grab raids on vulnerable sections of the UK economy is at the very heart of advanced global capitalism, itself the hallmark of a civilized society.”

“To unduly punish the pioneering spirit shown by these entrepreneurial youngsters, who have done nothing more than display the dynamism and the drive to see an opportunity – throw a brick at it – then make a quick, instant profit before breaking up the company, and either selling of the remaining elements, or torching the whole thing to downsize local operational costs, is to poison our system at its root.”

“Any of those brave youngsters who have been sent to prison by long-haired, senile judges, I would ask, on the day of their release, to step into our offices.”

“We’ll train them in futures trading, short selling, how to fake credit ratings, and generally how to increase instability across global markets – just as they, like true market players, have increased instability on our city streets, privatised profits and socialised the losses.”

“I believe that children are the future. Show them love and let them lead the way. Show them all the beauty they possess inside. Then give them some debt, foster that aggression, and let them come work for us.”