Gaddafi appears in Big Brother house

Gaddafi Latest: Elusive tyrant Colonel Muammar Gaddafi stepped out of hiding and down the Big Brother steps this morning, proclaiming: “I am now under the official protection of Richard Desmond. No one can touch me!”

As his remaining troops inside Libya faced death or arrest, Gaddafi was introducing himself to Jedward.

“I think he’s a really nice bloke,” said one of the Jedward heads.

“So do I. I think he’s a really nice bloke,” said the other one.

“Me too. I think he’s a really, really nice bloke,” said either the first one or the second one.

Sources indicate that Gaddafi had been handed over to the Libyan businessman who offered the million pound reward for his capture. Desmond then offered the businessman two million pounds and a lifetime subscription to the Daily Star. Gaddafi was soon heading to England and a career as Kerry Katona’s new boyfriend.

“Kerry and Muammar really hit it off”, enthuses producer Simpson De Vaal.

“She knows he’s off the telly somehow but can’t quite place him. He wants to annex a small part of Chad for her and give her 1000 sons.”

While Channel 5 bosses described the tyrant’s appearance as ‘a real coup’, they seemed less sure about what might happen to Gaddafi after the show.

“We are talking to Muammar about a range of possibilities,” said senior executive Ashley Junior.

“‘It’s A Knock Out – With Muammar Gaddafi And Cheggers’ is on the table. Then again we may just sell him to the International Criminal Court and make a documentary about it with Katie Price.”