Lawyers ‘hid obscenities’ in terms and conditions

Legal News: Two lawyers who worked for Apple, as well as other internet businesses including Amazon and Google, were sacked yesterday after it emerged they had been leaving obscenities in the ‘terms and conditions’.

“While we recognise nobody reads this stuff,” says new Apple CEO Tim Cook, “that doesn’t mean you can insert phrases like ‘I accept my parents were Nazi seamonsters’ or ‘I hereby allow Apple Inc. and its subsidaries to shove chocolate into my anus until it melts into pretty tasty poo’ and expect to get away with it.”

But get away with it they did, for two years, until Bill Collinson, a contestant on ITV4’s reality show ‘The World’s Most Boring Man’ actually sat down and read the online contract as part of freestyle challenge in the final round of the competition.

“Frankly, this whole experience has been a double-edged sword,” Collinson said.

“On the one hand I was shocked and amazed to find these things in there. On the other hand, this shock and amazement immediately disqualified me from winning The World’s Most Boring Man competition, and so destroyed my shot at getting a year’s supply of Yakult.”

The two lawyers, Karen Swithen, 42, of Denver, Colorado, and Phil Tang, 28, of Gary, Indiana, both face heavy and multiple lawsuits as other internet giants realise they too fell foul of the legal pranksters who, until yesterday, were considered to be at the very top of their profession.

“While we do expect our customers to acknowledge and agree that Google (or Google’s licensors) own all legal right, title and interest in and to the Services, including any intellectual property rights which subsist in the Services (whether those rights happen to be registered or not, and wherever in the world those rights may exist), and too further acknowledge that the Services may contain information which is designated confidential by Google and that customers shall not disclose such information without Google’s prior written consent,” said a spokesperson for Google, “we do not expect them to offer up their first-born child as a sexual offering to the company dog.”