KFC rebrands for Guy Fawkes Night

KFC News: The St Paul’s branch of KFC has been accused of a ‘cynical attempt’ at jumping on the ‘Guy Fawkes/protestor bandwagon’ after temporarily rebranding itself ahead of Bonfire Night.

“Look, I don’t know what all the fuss is about,” said store manager Bill Knealty.

“Some of the protestors, or at least some of the people protesting about the protestors, or at any rate some angry people, have been coming in here quite a lot recently.”

“It’s Bonfire Night on Saturday, the protestors all wear Guy Fawkes masks – this is a special moment, in other words. We’re just trying to fit in with the general ambiance and sell a bit of chicken.”

The protestors themselves are both ‘outraged’ and ‘mildly dismissive’.

“KFC makes chicken out of dog penis tips,” said one. “For them to co-opt the V For Vendetta Guy Fawkes image for their purposes, which we have already co-opted for ours, is one bit of co-operation too fucking far.”

It seems Knealty may have fallen foul of his boss, however, as chicken magnate Tim Steward, KFC CEO PHD, said he was ‘disgusted and angry’ at the idea of individual store managers ‘playing fast and loose’ with the KFC logo.

“KFC is Colonel Saunders,” he told the BBC’s Robert Peston this morning.

“KFC is not Guy Fawkes, KFC is not Bill Crosby, KFC is not Kermit the goddamn frog! KFC is the Colonel! And if I have to get into my Civil War era britches, sail over to London and stick a musket in someone’s ass to prove it then Momma pack my bible because this Yankee’s about to go off louder than a rooster on voodoo night.”

KFC FKS? Buy the T-shirt HERE

Story: Jasper Gibson

Image: Q4Nobody