Clooney to advise Miliband on ‘smouldering looks’

Labour News: Actor George Clooney is set to advise Labour leader Ed Miliband on how to effortlessly smoulder on camera, making men want to be him and women want to be with him.

The opposition leader, who is facing falling poll ratings and mounting criticism of his performance, hopes the tips and techniques he will learn from Clooney will result in a “stronger Labour leadership, punctuated by the sound of women’s knickers hitting the floor whenever he gives a speech.”

“I’m hoping George will teach me that thing he does in all his films when he looks down, then looks up again and gazes at you with his beautiful brown eyes,” said Miliband.

“If I can nail that, then I’m sure Cameron would just melt in the next PM’s Questions.”

Clooney has yet to officially clarify his position in the shadow cabinet, a spokesman says the actor was currently “busy sipping an expresso in an Italian Marina”.

Story+Image: Simon Swatman