New iPad makes HD gaming on the toilet a reality

Gaming News: Apple have unveiled a new faster, sharper iPad – finally making HD gaming while you take a shit a reality.

“Apart from those who’ve crapped themselves with excitement over Mass Effect 3, playing HD video games and blasting a dookie have been two very different user experiences,” said Apple Chief executive Tim Cook.

“This is a game-changer. No longer will the joy of shooting someone in the face and the ecstasy of pinching one out be separated.”

Apple accounted for 62% of the global tablet market in 2011, it now says it expected that share to rise to 70% this year.

“Until now many tablet manufacturers ignored customers who wanted to play games whilst simultaneously negotiating the release of a chocolate hostage,” said technology consultant Roger McChoad. “Apart from the ill-advised Sony Poostation – that was just a really, really stupid idea. And so deeply puerile. Not at all classy like Apple.”

Story: Simon Swatman