Nick Clegg to fix Britain while PM is abroad

Politics News: Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg will fix the economy, save the NHS, reform banks, limit Rupert Murdoch’s media empire and make all UK citizens 200% happier before the PM returns from the US.

“I’m only doing it to see Dave’s face when he gets back from America,” said Clegg at a press conference this morning.

“Sure, he gets to have a ride on Air Force one and dinner at the White House, but imagine the expression on his face when he gets back and finds out I’ve fixed the country! Priceless!”

Clegg, who has also promised to eliminate crime and make TV programmes better, has yet to detail his exact plans to fix the country – but says whatever he does it’ll be more than worth it to make David Cameron ‘properly freak out’.

“One thing is for sure,” said Clegg. “I’m certainly going to have a camera handy – it’s going to be a real Kodak moment when I tell him. I’ll get the picture framed and we can hang it on the stairs at No. 10 – it’s important that I leave a lasting legacy.”

Story: Simon Swatman