Clegg unveils social mobility scooter

Social Mobility News: Deputy Prime Minister Nicholas Clegg unveiled the strategic centre of his drive against the scandal of social immobility today: a scooter.

Appearing on ITV’s Daybreak this morning, Mr. Clegg surprised hosts Kate Garraway and Dan Lobb by tearing into the studio at over 2 kmph.

“These high-tech vehicles will not just take you from place to place like the Boris bikes,” he announced, “they will take you to a better place. Then leave you there, so you can walk back and think about what you’ve seen.”

“Citizens will be able to commandeer a Social Mobility Scooter from outside their town hall. If they are children it will automatically take them to the nearest private school so they can see what one looks like and polish up their ambitions accordingly.”

“If they are adults, it will take them to Westminster, where they can gaze across the police barriers at the heart of democratic political power, or down to Canary Wharf, to stare up at those mighty Titans of finance.”

Things became awkward however when Kate Garraway tried to have a go on the scooter, and Clegg immediately pushed her off.

“This one’s just for Liberals,” he said, before getting on himself and edging out of the studio.

Story: Jasper Gibson

Image: Q4Nobody