Who will play Bond in ‘Skyfall: The Musical’?

Bond News: The trailer might only just be doing the rounds, but producers are so sure they have a hit on their hands with the latest installment of the Bond franchise ‘Skyfall’ that an announcement has already been made today about a spin-off musical version. But who will play Bond?

According to insiders there’s only one frontrunner: Lee Evans.

“Lee has that physicality, that fearlessness that you need in a stage Bond,” says Ben Elton, who is adapting the script for the West End.

“You know when were first planning ‘Queen: The Musical’, everyone said it couldn’t be done. Now when I hear those words, it’s almost like a mantra for success.”

“A real tube train crashing through the roof of the auditorium? Yes. The entire cast napalmed? Yes. Explosions, debris, gun battles, Judi Dench looking sexy? Yes, yes, yes, nearly.”

“Imagine Starlight Express with motorbikes instead of rollerskates.”

Lee Evans is a controversial choice for some, but director Sam Hupp says the cheeky comic was ‘the only option’.

“Right from day one I said ‘if Lee’s not doing it, I’m out.”

“Have you ever seen Lee fall down a flight of stairs? I have. And I mean no disrespect to Daniel Craig who is a personal friend of mine, but when Lee falls down a flight of stairs he really fucking means it. Yeah, he can be funny, but so can murdering terrorists.”

‘Skyfall: The Musical’ opens this Christmas.

Story: Jasper Gibson

Image: Ninj