Lance Armstrong Now Keen To Boast About Drug Use

Cheat News: Disgraced cyclist Lance Armstrong is now keen to boast about his drugs use, claiming that he is the ‘undisputed champion of injecting human growth hormones’.

“One of my urine samples could have knocked out a shire horse,” the cyclist is reported to have told Oprah Winfrey in a TV interview due to be broadcast this week. “I’m done with being modest about drugs. It’s time to let the world know how awesome I am at abusing steroids.”

Armstrong is then said to have become visibly excited, jumping up and down on the couch and shrieking “Ask me about the multiple blood transfusions! Ask me about the multiple blood transfusions!”

He then reportedly told Winfrey that he had so much of his drugged blood stored in fridges he could have re enacted the elevator scene from The Shining ten times over. Armstrong then went on to boast about his use of testosterone patches, used to boost power.

“Oh man!” said Armstrong, slapping his thigh and chuckling. “At one point I was covered in so many patches I looked like the Michelin Man!”

Story: Simon Swatman