Easy, Last Minute Valentines Ideas

It’s Valentine’s Day, the most romantic day of the year. If you’ve forgotten to buy roses, chocolates, or book a romantic meal for two then don’t worry – there are plenty of cheap, last minute Valentine’s gifts.

Make A Love Nest – Gather some twigs and construct a crude nest. Present this to your loved one. Then go to the pub.

A Romantic Tattoo – Slip a strong sedative into your partner’s drink. When they are out cold, tattoo the words “PROPERTY OF (YOUR NAME)” on their forehead. When they wake up and see the tattoo they will know your love – like the tattoo – will last forever.

Pretend To Be Dead – Get a friend to pretend to be a policeman and phone your partner, telling them that you’re dead. When you turn up alive and well 3-14 days later your partner will be so relieved, they’ll appreciate your love even more.

Flames Of Desire – Pick up a bag of charcoal briquettes from a petrol station on your way home. Empty the bag on the floor and proclaim “My love for you is so intense it can set these coals on fire.” Then awkwardly clean up the mess you’ve just made.

Murder – Offer to murder someone on behalf of your beloved. Most people know someone they want dead – and even if they don’t, murdering a stranger is a romantic way of proving your commitment to them. Guilty secrets bond couples.

Valentine’s Indifference – Simply do nothing. When asked why you appear to have made no effort on the most romantic day of the year, tell your partner “Every day is Valentine’s day when it comes to you.”