Domino’s Expansion Guarantees Everyone Can Feel Utterly Disgusting

Food News: Pizza chain Domino’s have announced new plans for expansion in the UK, guaranteeing everyone in the country can feel absolutely disgusting.

“The UK clearly has an appetite for feeling like total cack and it’s this self-hatred that has really been helping Domino’s expand,” said a spokesman for the company.

Domino’s sold 61 million pizzas last year – with more than half of those sales made online – proving that the UK not only loves things that make them feel absolutely awful, but they want to limit human interaction as little as possible while doing it.

The pizza chain – who unveiled the new slogan ‘Just give up and have a Domino’s’ earlier this year – say the internet has made a big difference to their business.

“Mobile technology means that customers don’t have to talk to a human any more – the Domino’s experience can be limited to a single, audible grunt of acknowledgement when the delivery arrives at your door,” said Domino’s.

“You can then get back to the important business of eating a really horrible pizza and thoroughly hating yourself.”

Story: Simon Swatman