Massive Hangover Actually Makes Working Day More Bearable

Drink News: New research into the effect of hangovers on the working day shows they actually make it more bearable.

The research team, who shuffled into a press conference wearing shades and sipping water, claim to have proved that an icepick-in-the-brain headache, cross-channel guts and rising shame from the night before provide a useful distraction from the tedium of most jobs.

Team leader Dr Alice Horton said: “We were doing some bullshit survey for the Government about the terrible damage binge drinking does to British industry, blah blah blah, and we were so overwhelmed by the pointlessness of it all that we hit the bottle hardcore on a school night.

“We were all absolutely dog-rough the next day, seriously hanging, but were surprised to find that by the objective criteria we’d established it was actually far preferable to slogging through the day sober.”

The report has been welcomed by trade bodies including the British Airline Pilots Association and the Scottish Tramps Union. The Minister for Public Health condemned the report as “completely inaccurate” but was later pictured purchasing four three-litre bottles of white cider.

Story: Tom Whiteley

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