Gove Demands Children Have Same Joyless Education As Him

School News: Education secretary Michael Gove has attacked schools for not forcing pupils to have the same joyless, classical education as him.

“A joyless child is a hardworking child,” Gove told a recent education conference in Brighton. “Many children these days get sidetracked from a serious education by playing the Angry Birds, reading the Mr Men, or laughing.”

“If teachers spent less time making education fun and more time forcing 8-year-olds to talk entirely in Latin, then this country would be in a stronger position in future generations.”

Gove also proposed a raft of new educational initiatives aimed at getting children ‘studying not smiling’ – including a plan to force children to repeatedly watch all 22 hours of the documentary series World at War until they can name everyone who was in the SS.

“It’s the ability to rattle off a long list of facts and figures without any real understanding of the context that will make the UK strong again,” said Gove. “Clearly the reason so many young people are unemployed is their inability to recite long passages of George Eliot’s Middlemarch in job interviews.”