McDonald’s Unveil World’s First Lab-Grown Staff

Food News: Fast food giant McDonald’s have unveiled the world’s first synthetic staff member, grown in a petri dish in a laboratory.

Scientists at Maastricht University in the Netherlands grew the staff member from stem cells, and have described them as ‘close to human’.

The company has faced criticism after admitting that 90% of its UK employees are on zero-hours contracts, which requires them to be available for work but doesn’t require McDonalds to give them any work.

Resembling a standard McDonald’s employee, it was created by knitting together 20,000 strands of laboratory-grown protein, combined with other ingredients normally used in burgers, such as salt, breadcrumbs and egg powder.

“Faced with having to offer our staff a minimum hours contract, we took the decision to create our own employees out of some stuff we had lying around the kitchen,” said a spokesman for McDonalds.

“While this first generation of synthetic staff cost hundreds of thousands of pounds to develop, eventually we will be able to produce them so cheaply we can just toss them in the bins out back if they ever complain, or demand ridiculous things like basic working rights.”