Fifty Shades Of Grey Actors ‘Not Up To Fan’s Masturbatory Standards’

Film News: The actors announced to star in the film version of the erotic novel Fifty Shades Of Grey are not up to the strict masturbatory standards of many of its fans.

British actor Charlie Hunnam and US actress Dakota Johnson have landed the coveted lead roles in the big-screen version of EL James’ best-seller. Within minutes of the casting announcement fans took to the internet to denounce the decision as ‘deeply un-frot worthy’.

“This isn’t who I imagined pleasuring myself to, in the comfort of my own home, when I buy this film on blu-ray and watch it alone with the curtains shut,” wrote one angry fan on Twitter.

Another fan told about how the casting news was damaging her relationship, “Between this news and my husband getting incredibly upset last week when they said Ben Affleck would be the new Batman, I’ve lost my faith in Hollywood understanding the wanking needs of the average moviegoer.”