Guns Still Really Awesome, Insist Americans

World News: Everybody owning guns is still the best thing ever, Americans are insisting after another mass shooting in the country.

“Anti gun liberals always talk about people walking into cinemas, schools and offices with a gun like it’s a bad thing,” said a spokesman for the National Rifle Association.

“But they are just exercising their constitutional right to bear arms – what if the British try to take back America while I’m watching an Adam Sandler film? If we can’t freely buy guns, how are we to defend ourselves from people who can freely buy guns?”

Others argue that owning a gun is about far more than just protection. “I couldn’t sleep at night if I didn’t have a gun next to my bed,” said another vocal pro-gun enthusiast.

“I’m not worried about intruders – I just can’t get to sleep at night unless I gently press the cold barrel of the gun against my penis.”