Every Tweet EVER
If you’ve spent some time on Twitter, you’ll know that most tweets are fairly formulaic. @ChrisSerico created an account to tweet pretty much every tweet you have already seen and will ever see.
Now you don’t need to look at Twitter ever again.
1.
Making a “joke” about how no one will date me.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) October 23, 2013
2.
Today, my job required me to do things. The nerve!
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) August 19, 2013
3.
I am surprised by hot weather. And cold weather. And all weather. I don’t get out much.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) June 2, 2013
4.
I am suddenly an expert on Syria.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) August 29, 2013
5.
Taking a break from Twitter for reasons that are both vague and shady.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) October 11, 2013
6.
Projecting my insecurities onto you.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) October 9, 2013
7.
Thrilled to announce how great I am.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) October 7, 2013
8.
Awake for no apparent reason. Pondering my existence. Anyway, hi.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) October 2, 2013
9.
Bothering you with my opinion.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) September 30, 2013
10.
I am an insufferable #BreakingBad fan.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) September 29, 2013
11.
sad about doing nothing
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) September 28, 2013
12.
suddenly pensive
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) September 27, 2013
13.
Hey, I was gone for more than an hour so here’s a tweet, just because.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) September 26, 2013
14.
Failed attempt to one-up your joke.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) September 24, 2013
15.
Follow-up tweet that results in immediate regret.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) September 17, 2013
16.
Here’s a link to something you’ve already seen or don’t care about seeing.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) September 4, 2013
17.
Retweet of someone who has more followers than I do.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) September 3, 2013
18.
1. Make a list 2. Continue list 3. Put funny joke here! 4. Cry self to sleep
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) August 28, 2013
19.
I’m lonely but pretending otherwise.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) August 25, 2013
20.
MY WEEKEND PLANS ASTOUND AND INSPIRE
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) August 24, 2013
21.
I am watching TV and telling you what you could easily figure out for yourself.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) August 21, 2013
22.
So You Think You Can Make An Original Joke Using This Format
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) August 21, 2013
23.
I’m traveling, thus a fascinating citizen of the world.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) August 17, 2013
24.
Please favorite this Instagram of me so I don’t feel ugly.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) August 15, 2013
25.
I am an expert on everything.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) August 13, 2013
26.
Failing to make my ex jealous
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) August 9, 2013
27.
RT if you sense my desperation
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) August 6, 2013
28.
A reminder not to date me.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) August 2, 2013
29.
documenting my drunkenness
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) July 23, 2013
30.
Talking about things you don’t care about.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) July 23, 2013
31.
Retweeting any mention of me, because I love attention more than anything!
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) July 22, 2013
32.
I am having the BEST TIME without you!
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) July 20, 2013
33.
sadness disguised as something else
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) July 18, 2013
34.
desperate attempt to get laid
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) July 15, 2013
35.
You’re wrong about everything.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) July 11, 2013
36.
It’s hot out.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) July 10, 2013
37.
Delight in my mundane experiences.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) July 10, 2013
38.
This marks a milestone number of tweets for me. Hooray, round numbers! Please join me in celebrating this colossal waste of time.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) July 4, 2013
39.
ALCOHOL-RELATED FEELINGS
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) June 29, 2013
40.
The digital equivalent of shouting at strangers in public, but somehow more acceptable.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) June 28, 2013
41.
No one cares about my weekend plans, but that’s not going to stop me from telling you about them.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) June 22, 2013
42.
I’m tired of a song I liked three weeks ago.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) June 15, 2013
43.
sleep is nice but i’d rather seek affirmation from strangers
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) June 15, 2013
44.
Promoted tweet by a company you now hate for that reason.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) June 6, 2013
45.
Unwanted political commentary.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) June 6, 2013
46.
I am so clever when I assess something mundane and put my unique spin on it. Love me!
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) June 4, 2013
47.
Pretending my previous tweet never happened as you silently judge me.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) May 31, 2013
48.
selfie
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) May 21, 2013
49.
Feuding with other people on Twitter, because that’s a productive use of time.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) May 21, 2013
50.
#FF total strangers
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) May 17, 2013
51.
My friend is “criminally underfollowed.” Maybe there’s a reason for this, but I choose to ignore that and make it your problem.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) May 10, 2013
52.
Bragging about my relationship or proving why I’m not in one.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) May 7, 2013
53.
My excitement for a TV show makes you never want to watch it.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) May 6, 2013
54.
A few tweets in a row, because I am desperate for you to like something.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) May 6, 2013
55.
Struggling with my emotions. Enjoy!
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) May 2, 2013
56.
i am lonely and talking to myself
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) May 2, 2013
57.
No, it’s cool. I’m fine. Don’t want to talk about it.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) March 23, 2012
58.
Congrats to my friend who did something great. I will need a favor from that friend someday!
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) May 1, 2013
59.
Photo of my brunch, because none of you eat food or have friends.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) April 28, 2013
60.
People on Facebook are crazy.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) April 26, 2013
61.
Hey, I’m still awake because I need validation from the Internet.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) April 26, 2013
62.
Here’s a link to a TED talk. I’m so smart!
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) March 23, 2012
63.
I am on a beach without you.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) June 23, 2012
64.
Be impressed that I went outside.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) April 21, 2013
65.
This week has been terrible.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) April 19, 2013
66.
Offensive opinion.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) April 18, 2013
67.
So tired.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) April 15, 2013
68.
SPORTS RESULT!!!!
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) April 9, 2013
69.
Career-enhancing #FF.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) April 5, 2013
70.
lowercase sadness
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) April 2, 2013
71.
I am having a lazy Sunday. Or not! Either way, this is something you needed to know.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) March 24, 2013
72.
I am empowered and sickened by Twitter today.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) March 19, 2013
73.
Only I am allowed to decide what is funny.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) February 25, 2013
74.
Instagram of a lounging cat or dog with the caption, “Draw me like one of your French girls.”
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) February 21, 2013
75.
You care about my foods and beverages.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) February 21, 2013
76.
OMG SO EXCITED FOR A MUSIC FESTIVAL WITH POOR PLUMBING OPTIONS, OVERPRICED EVERYTHING AND OVERRATED MUSICIANS YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) February 19, 2013
77.
Glad Twitter is back so I can complain about it on Twitter.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) July 26, 2012
78.
TV needs my help.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) February 19, 2013
79.
I rarely like things.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) February 18, 2013
80.
Poignant, honest confession I’ll delete tomorrow morning.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) February 10, 2013
81.
Justifying my social life to no one in particular.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) February 2, 2013
82.
Vine video that’s impossibly even more boring than my tweets.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) January 27, 2013
83.
LENS FLARES
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) January 24, 2013
84.
Evidently still caring about football.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) January 21, 2013
85.
Supposedly ironic use of YOLO, compounding the problem.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) January 17, 2013
86.
I hope you’re reading this, ex, because the nonverbal sympathy I’m about to receive from a bunch of Internet strangers will really show you!
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) January 12, 2013
87.
Tweeting that I am not going to tweet for a while.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) December 4, 2012
88.
Instagram of my allegedly happy family.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) December 25, 2012
89.
feigned indifference
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) December 13, 2012
90.
I have a lot to do this week.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) October 1, 2012
91.
The Internet upsets me.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) August 8, 2012
92.
I am the foremost authority on how genders should behave.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) November 15, 2012
93.
I’m so over Twitter.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) January 9, 2013
94.
Ironic retweet of an idiot.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) November 28, 2012
95.
Retweeting unreliable news sources.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) August 20, 2012
96.
Announcing the day of the week.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) August 27, 2012
97.
playing a #HashtagGame because i want to feel accepted
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) November 25, 2012
98.
The gym is hard.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) December 2, 2012
99.
My coffee is important to you.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) November 19, 2012
100.
I like to take closeup photos of my pets, because human friendship is hard.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) August 28, 2012
101.
rhetorical question
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) October 1, 2012
102.
doubting myself and fishing for compliments
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) September 2, 2012
103.
ugh another parody account
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) October 16, 2012
104.
Something written and read while on a toilet.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) October 27, 2012
105.
hipster malaise
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) September 11, 2012
106.
Just pre-ordered my iPhone 5! I am a better person than you are.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) September 14, 2012
107.
Stay safe.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) October 29, 2012
108.
Looking at my phone screen instead of the friends I am supposedly hanging out with.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) September 30, 2012
109.
Snow still surprises me for some reason.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) November 7, 2012
110.
I’m so over Twitter.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) January 9, 2013
>