Heard The One About Miley Cyrus And The Christmas Twerky?

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A pun about Miley Cyrus has topped the list of our favourite new festive gags in a new competition to modernise the traditional Christmas cracker joke. Also staking a claim in the Top 10 are witticisms about the Queen, speed dating and eBay, with laughs about Harry Styles, Shakespeare and Fairy Liquid just missing out on the top spots.

Comedy channel Gold challenged comedians and gag-smiths to write their own original festive gags and submit them via Twitter for a competition to revamp the Christmas cracker joke, after a poll revealed that 72% of the nation believe that cracker jokes are outdated.

A panel of Gold judges led by comedy expert Bruce Dessau went on to shortlist the best jokes which were then voted on by 2000 British adults. The top jokes feature in specially made boxes of crackers which are now available to buy online.

The top ten funniest new festive jokes are revealed as:

1. What does Miley Cyrus have at Christmas? Twerky. (23%)

2. Why did no-one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay? Because they were two deer. (20%)

3. Mary and Joseph – now they had a stable relationship. (15%)

4. What does the Queen call her Christmas Broadcast? The One Show. (14%)

5. What did Santa do when he went speed dating? He pulled a cracker. (13%)

6. Why don’t you ever see Santa in hospital? Because he has private elf care. (13%)

7. How did Mary and Joseph know that Jesus was 7lb 6oz when he was born? They had a weigh in a manger. (12%)

8. Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars? Because their days are numbered. (11%)

9. How do you know if Santa’s been in your garden shed? You’ve got three extra hoes. (10%)

10. Why was the Brussels sprout sent to prison? Because it was a repeat offender. (9%)

The quips that just missed out on the top spots include:

– Why did Harry Styles fail at being Santa? Because he can only use the chimney in One Direction. (9%)

– Why did Rudolph the reindeer have the complete works of Shakespeare on his top lip? Because his nose was well read. (8%)

– Why can’t you wash up during Christmas? Because the Fairy is on top of the tree. (7%)