Russia Actually ‘Gayest Country In The World’

Gay News: Putin’s government was left outraged today after a peer-reviewed article published in scientific journal The Lancet asserted that out of all the countries in the world, Russia is actually the gayest.

“The tell-tale signs were obvious,” said Professor Alan Stocks of the Global Institute For Scientific Analysis, “particularly the suspiciously strong denial of gayness, but none of us realised how totally gay Russia is until we looked at the facts.”

“Russian dancing is gay. Bears are gay. Winter is gay – and there’s loads of that in Russia.”

“In fact the Winter Olympics are the gayest kind of olympics you can get. Holding them in a beach resort is so gay it broke the gaydar in our laboratory.”