Pregnant Great White Shark Already Claiming Benefits

The Great White shark last spotted 1,000 miles from Cornwall is PREGNANT and already in the U.K to claim CHILD BENEFITS, it has been wildly speculated.

“The Great White has a top speed of 24.9 mph, so she’s definitely here by now,” said one expert who had glanced at Wikipedia.

Named Lydia, the satellite-tracked foreign PREDATOR is now thought to be claiming housing benefits somewhere in Hampshire, and may give birth to up to 12 pups – all of which will get FREE SCHOOL DINNERS and may attack innocent BRITISH children in a potentially LETHAL playground bloodbath.

“They say they’ll integrate themselves into the community and make a positive contribution to Britain, but when you and your kids go into a feeding frenzy whenever anyone within three miles gets a papercut, I don’t see how we can justify any more immigrants,” said one concerned local.

“We’ve already got around 30 species of native shark in the U.K and I don’t think we can take any more. Britain is full.”