Pro-Russian Activists Storm Buildings in Chelsea

Crisis News: Pro-Russian Russians stormed boutique fashion outlets, jewellery stores  and designer shops including Muji and Paul Smith along the Kings Road in Chelsea this morning, flying Russian flags and declaring the ‘People’s Republic of Chelsea’ an independent state.

In a move that has sparked outrage across the capital, activists claim that Chelsea is rightfully theirs, seeing as they own most of it. While many Londoners have demanded robust ‘anti-terrorism’ measures in response, Boris Johnson has admitted that Chelsea ‘is already lost’.

“I think now we’ve got to get to grips with the real politik on the ground, and recognise the wider picture when it comes to Russia’s designs on the capital,” the Mayor told Radio 4’s Today programme. “How long before they annex Kensington? Or Mayfair? Or Holland Park?”

As William Hague condemned the violence as “a grave threat to democracy and stability in the region” that bears “all the hallmarks of Russian intervention”, Putin denied Moscow’s involvement, while affirming the “rights of ethnic Russians to resist oppression.”

“House prices are not high enough. Parking spaces are too small for our cars. How long can the suffering of our people be allowed to continue?”