NHS To Replace Antibiotics With Gin

The move comes after a number of warnings about the growing threat of resistance to antibiotics that could cast the world “back into the dark ages of medicine”.

“It’s obviously very unsafe to mix medicine with alcohol, so we intend to stop using medicine altogether,” said a senior NHS spokesman.

“Gin has many excellent medicinal properties that would benefit patients – it can dull all kinds of mental and physical pain, the slice of lime served in a gin and tonic is packed with vitamins and antioxidants, plus LIDL Club gin is less than eight quid a bottle, so we’ll be massively reducing costs.”

“Our studies on this subject have indicated that patients who receive regular, large doses of medicinal gin tend to be much quieter and hardly ever complain about hospital food, paying five quid a day to watch TV, or having to put up with some knob from the government turning up for a photo opportunity.”