New iPhone 6 Features Revealed!

Phone News: While controversy rages across the internet over the provenance of various ‘leaked’ pictures of the new iPhone 6, Apple have now announced that there is only one news and technology organ both august and trustworthy enough to announce the truth about it’s latest upgrade. And that’s us. The Poke.

So here, for the first time, is an in-depth run-down easy-to-use diagram-cum-wallchart of all the essential new features, excluding the many new colours it can come in, all of which are based on the colours you get in heaven.

Arguably the most exciting new capability is the nanobiotic patented ‘voicebounce’ technology, also known as ‘the phonecall’, which was in such a ruggedly experimental phase for previous versions of the iPhone. It has now been upgraded to ‘possible in tall buildings within city centres for up to five minutes continuously’.

Ladies and Gentlemen, with the iPhone 6 Apple surely have once again not only redefined the essence of redefinition, but with this startlingly newish product, retained the title of ‘World’s Sexiest Calculator’.