House of Commons to be turned into soft play area

Politics News: The House of Commons is to be made over into a soft play area, to ensure the hundreds of toddlers who play there on a daily basis don’t hurt themselves.

“When the current Palace of Westminster was built in 1840 it was designed for adults, but for a very long time now there has been a strong case for making it suitable for toddlers,” said Commons Speaker John Bercow.

“However it wasn’t until the Chancellor of the Exchequer Kenneth Clarke did an ouchie on his bot-bot in 1995 that any serious plans were drawn up.”

Proposals for the new child-friendly House of Commons include a multi-level play frame with high level rope bridge, a drop slide down to a soft ball area and politics-themed cafe for MP’s to enjoy their subsidised fish finger sandwiches.

“The current building is no longer safe for the hundreds of children who play there and the last thing we need is any more crying and bawling from either side of the house,” said one senior Westminster health and safety spokesman.

“Although as with any soft play centre we recommend parents bring something to wipe their MP’s clean of all the shit, piss and weird black grease they’ll get covered in after a typical session of Prime Minister’s questions.”