Innocent Smoothie labels now just unintelligible gibberish

Marketing News: The labels for Innocent smoothies have now descended from cutesy, playful waffle to completely unintelligible gibberish, consumer groups have warned.

“It’s as if the person writing them has been hit over the head with a chair, forced to watch an episode of In The Night Garden and made to fill the side of a smoothie bottle with absolute horseshit” warned a spokesman from the National Consumer Federation.

“This is an incredibly worrying development for both UK consumers seeking nutritional information about the products they buy and for the poor bastards Innocent have got writing this burbling, babbling stream of bollocks.”

One former Innocent copywriter spoke of the harrowing conditions they were forced to work in by the drinks company.

“The used to keep us handcuffed to radiators and beat us with pineapples, bananas and coconuts inside a sock,” said the man, who wished to remain anonymous for fear of his life.

“Sure, it all looks like a bit of harmless, slightly twee fun to anyone reading the label, but when you’ve seen someone waterboarded with 50 gallons of ‘Perfectly Pink’ smoothie because their copy wasn’t playful enough you’ll realise just how sinister this business really is.”

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