10 ways to to get noticed on LinkedIn

Poke Staff. Updated November 14th, 2016

The world of LinkedIn is a crowded one, and it’s important to make your profile stand out – Michael Spicer has some valuable tips to get noticed.

1.
To increase your chances of being hired for a job, display a profile photo that shows you cleaning up after yourself in the kitchen.

2.
Try to quantify your achievements. For instance, ‘My use of unsubstantiated percentages to get job interviews is up by 34%.’

3.
Make yourself easy to find by using keywords in your description so if you’re a developer, write ‘software’ and ‘programmer’, if you’re an administrator, write ‘data’ and ‘operations’, or if you’re a social media expert, write ‘tosser’ and ‘complete’.

4.
Make potential employers notice you by endorsing them for being good lovers.

5.
Join relevant groups and make thoughtful comments such as ‘I really need a job’ and ‘I could so go for a job right now’, and ‘God I just love all the jobs.’

6.
Keep your status updates intriguing by saying things like ‘Wow Bill Gates just won’t take no for an answer!’ and ‘I’ll work for pies, I don’t care anymore.’

7.
If you don’t have many computer skills, you can add ‘I am proficient with a little operating system known as ‘life’’, and use the fist-bump emoticon.

8.
Get people to click your profile by emphasising your individuality. Or by writing ‘Child Stars Who Haven’t Aged Well – Number 7 Will Shock You’.

9.
It is frowned upon to lie on your CV but there’s nothing wrong with embellishing it. For instance, interacting with YouTube commenters could count as having a background in clinical psychology.

10.
Always add something that specifies what you would do for your future employers. Talk about how you’ll widen their objectives, expand their business, embark on an ill-advised affair, lose sight of your goals, come in late once too often, get drunk, tell the boss what you really think of them, fall down some stairs and get fired. Employers admire foresight.

How to Get Noticed on LinkedIn

1) To increase your chances of being hired for a job, display a profile photo that shows you cleaning up after yourself in the kitchen.

2) Try to quantify your achievements. For instance, ‘My use of unsubstantiated percentages to get job interviews is up by 34%.’

3) Make yourself easy to find by using keywords in your description so if you’re a developer, write ‘software’ and ‘programmer’, if you’re an administrator, write ‘data’ and ‘operations’, or if you’re a social media expert, write ‘tosser’ and ‘complete’.

4) Make potential employers notice you by endorsing them for being good lovers.

5) Join relevant groups and make thoughtful comments such as ‘I really need a job’ and ‘I could so go for a job right now’, and ‘God I just love all the jobs.’

6) Keep your status updates intriguing by saying things like ‘Wow Bill Gates just won’t take no for an answer!’ and ‘I’ll work for pies, I don’t care anymore.’

7) If you don’t have many computer skills, you can add ‘I am proficient with a little operating system known as ‘life’’, and use the fist-bump emoticon.

8) Get people to click your profile by emphasising your individuality. Or by writing ‘Child Stars Who Haven’t Aged Well – Number 7 Will Shock You’.

9) It is frowned upon to lie on your CV but there’s nothing wrong with embellishing it. For instance, interacting with YouTube commenters could count as having a background in clinical psychology.

10) Always add something that specifies what you would do for your future employers. Talk about how you’ll widen their objectives, expand their business, embark on an ill-advised affair, lose sight of your goals, come in late once too often, get drunk, tell the boss what you really think of them, fall down some stairs and get fired. Employers admire foresight.