10 tips for the perfect Halloween

Poke Staff. Updated October 20th, 2015

Worried that your Halloween celebrations will be more ghastly than someone dressed as a rubbish vampire? Fear not, Michael Spicer is here with some useful Halloween tips and tricks.

1.
If you’re thinking about what to carve into a pumpkin, a smiling face often transmits feelings of spookiness and a total reluctance to be creative.

2.
Plan early for your Halloween party. Don’t bother buying fake cobwebs, just stop cleaning your house after March.

3.
Think before you send your children out trick-or-treating: Where are they going? Who are they going with? How long will be they be? Really, two hours? Wow, that’s great. I think I’ll watch a film. Bye kids.

4.
It’s important that your children carry a torch with them when trick-or-treating so they can shine it on the sweets to make sure they’re not being stiffed.

5.
Ensure your child is the safest of their group by dressing them as a scary highways maintenance night-shift operative.

6.
Children won’t be interested in bobbing for apples, so put something more desirable in the water like their phones.

7.
If you wish to save money, a face drawn on a satsuma looks like a jack-o'-lantern from a distance.

8.
Toys, bicycles and lawn decorations could be trip hazards for trick-or-treaters so leave plenty of them out.

9.
It is vitally important to check ALL the sweets that your children bring home. Chewy candies, treats with peanuts and hard sweets are all potentially delicious so you want to get to those before your kids.

10.
Inform your children that their well-being is the most important thing and therefore they must only knock on the doors of houses which guarantee the best shit.