10 observations about buses

Poke Staff. Updated October 26th, 2015

Does getting a bus fill you with fear and confusion? Michael Spicer is on hand to share some thoughts that may help you.

1.
A fun tip is to pretend every bus ride is a victory parade by standing on the upper deck and spraying a bottle of 7Up over some OAPs.

2.
Clowns are more organised than women because you never see clowns on the bus putting their make-up on.

3.
Before CCTV, bus drivers had a periscope for the upper deck which gave them a clear and extensive view of a child’s forehead.

4.
When your bus makes an unscheduled stop to swap drivers, bear in mind this is the nearest you will get to swinging.

5.
When my bus stops, opens its doors and no one gets on, I am reminded of the time I tried online dating.

6.
Fun family tip: If you have children, tell them every time the doors open and no one gets on, a ghost has boarded the bus. The bus’s aroma will help accentuate the feeling of death.

7.
My bus arrived at my bus stop but it was advertising a Vince Vaughn film so I waved it on.

8.
Buses can be a great place to meet people. For instance, a woman kept checking me out on my bus this week which was very flattering, though I did nothing about it as I was kind of on a roll with my Bop-It at the time.

9.
Despite the close proximity to their necks, bus passengers in front aren't very grateful when you tuck their clothing labels back into their collars.

10.
Putting your arm out at a bus stop means you would like the bus to stop – unless you’re in London, in which case it means, ‘I would have liked to have boarded your bus’.