Absolutely no work to get done this week, nation confirms

Seasonal apathy is expected to be at its highest point today, when the closeness of Christmas combined with the usual bullshit will sap the energy of even the most eager worker.

“I just can’t be arsed with any of it, even more than usual. Why isn’t it Christmas yet?” said one man who plans to spend the next few days aimlessly browsing the internet and clock watching.

It’s a sentiment shared by many people up and down the country who intend to spend the week merely going through the motions of work.

“I normally don’t see the point in my job anyway, but in the week before Christmas this feeling increases by about 500%,” said another worker.

“At least on the last day of school term we used to be able to bring in board games to play, but I got a written warning from the HR department after the Buckaroo debacle last year. I suppose I’ll be spending even more time than usual hiding in the toilets looking at the internet on my phone.”