Soft touch Britain? The five dead whales are already claiming BENEFITS

The FIVE dead sperm whales that washed up on beaches in Lincolnshire are already claiming benefits, in another example of how soft touch Britain will open its borders to ANYONE.

“By now the sperm whales are probably living in a massive ten bedroom house in the outskirts of Boston,” said one hysterical man. “There’s probably some jobsworth from Lincolnshire county council hand feeding them squid and octopus at the taxpayers expense.”

Others have voiced concern at exactly how the five dead sperm whales, widely speculated to have come from the Mediterranean, will integrate into the UK.

“Will they even try and learn English, or will they just stick to emitting a directionally focused beam of clicks and creaks? And will they just lie there, dead and rotting, not even trying to look for work?” said one man concerned at the amount of dead whales that can come to the UK without a valid passport.

“Some sperm whale pods can contain over twenty animals, so are these five dead whales just trying to get their foot in the door so the rest of them can have a cosy life in the UK?”