Jeremy Hunt won’t back down on NHS privatisation as he’s ‘already got a Virgin Care tattoo’

Health secretary Jeremy Hunt has insisted that it is far too late to stop plans to privatise the NHS as he’s already got a Virgin Care tattoo.

Hunt admits the plans to privatise were finalised after a night’s heavy drinking with Virgin Care executives, which ended up with him getting a tattoo and promising to ‘fuck the NHS good and proper’.

He has also come under fire after announcing plans to impose a new contract on NHS junior doctors – plans that could result in 90% of them quitting, with the remaining 10% planning to kill him with a brick.

“The NHS is a failing institution,” said Hunt. “It’s failing because I want it to fail so we can sell it off to Virgin Care.”

“I have carefully listened to junior doctors and all they do is moan – moan about working long hours that leave them exhausted and possibly putting patients’ lives at risk.”

“That would never happen under Virgin Care, who promise that Richard Branson himself would hand out energy drinks and slap doctors awake at the first sign of tiredness.”