Martial law declared in UK after ‘casserole with pastry lid’ is passed off as a pie

“A pie has pastry all around it. This is clearly all the fault of the EU,” said one disgusted man on Twitter.

“Next thing you know they’ll be wanting me to eat quiche, chips and gravy. It’s just not right.”

It’s thought the rioting began after a cafe in Salisbury was rumoured to be selling a pie that only had a pastry lid. Word quickly spread on social media and before long the city was in flames, with the rest of the UK plunging into chaos a few hours later.

David Cameron has chaired an emergency meeting of the Cobra committee in order to discuss the government’s response to the pie riots.

“Let me be absolutely clear about this,” said Cameron. “Once we’ve run a focus group to find out what most people consider a pie, I will let the nation know. In the meantime, I urge the public to stop hurling frozen blocks of pastry through shop windows.”