This “barred list” from a south London pub is a very funny read

Normal Bates. Updated June 15th, 2020

Twitter user Rummer has shared this amazing document, it’s a “barred list” from The Half Moon pub in Herne Hill, a list made by the staff to help identify troublesome punters and stop them coming in.

You need to read this in full, slowly, it’s like reading the cast list for the most British gangster movie ever made.

Imagine each character as you go. Play the movie in your head.

And here we’ve transcribed it for you for your reading pleasure:

STILL…. BARRED

JASON

ADAM THE DEAF guy

MILLER

ONE ARMED KIETH

FAT PAUL

VITRIOLIC QUEEN… OOHH IT’S NOT HOXTON

THE GLASWEGIAN

THE GINGER DRUNK TWAT CALLED ANGUS

JULIA TANT … AKA MILLIE TANT FROM VIZ… DEAD RINGER

DANNY MILLER / DANNY PARTRIDGE (HE’S BACK & FAT)

THAT BLONDE BITCH

GUS AND HIS MATE MARK

CRAZY LINDA

ROB ROE

TALL CHAVVY FIGHTING IDIOT OF OLD

STARING PERVERT – always comes in a crash helmet & drinks ale. Short young balding usually nice bloke & beard.

FLAT CAP COKE FIEND BARRED FOR THREATENING REGULARS (AND EVERYTHING ELSE)

SOUTH AFRICAN GADGING SCAMMER. PONYTAIL + BAD GOATIE, SNUCK IN ON SUNDAY

Source: https://twitter.com/Rumersongs/status/719220076235395072