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Witches plan “mass spell” on Donald Trump. Lana Del Ray’s up for it. Are you?

John Plunkett. Updated February 24th, 2017

Witches around the world are planning to unite to cast a mass “binding” spell on Donald Trump. It’s a bit like impeachment, but with more potions and pointy hats.

And before you think we shouldn’t be taking this entirely seriously, it appears to have the backing of singer Lana Del Ray, so it must be a thing, right?

The dates she lists are the same as the waning crescent moon dates when the ritual has to take place, beginning this Friday.

There’s even a Facebook page to tell you all about it.

The good news is you can take part too.

All you’ll need – actually, you’ll need quite a lot of stuff – is an “unflattering photo” of Trump (shouldn’t be difficult), a Tower tarot card, a tiny stub of an orange candle, a pin or nail, a white candle, small bowls of water and salt, a feather, matches (or lighter) and an ashtray.

Got that?

Basically you burn the picture of Trump and blow out the orange candle while reciting something about binding Trump to “fail utterly and do no harm to any human soul, tree, animal, rock, stream or sea”.

If you don’t have an orange candle then try eating a packet of Wotsits instead. There’s even a cut out and keep picture of Trump if you don’t have one to hand.

Please, stop laughing at the back.

There’s actually a precedent for this sort of thing. Remember when they levitated the Pentagon back in 1967? No, us neither.