It’s International Women’s Day, so here’s 40 funny women you should follow on Twitter
1.
Sometimes I wonder if I spoil the cat, seeing him with his iPad, in his yurt. pic.twitter.com/45ScY3Rloe
— Liz Buckley (@liz_buckley) January 21, 2015
2.
I call my vagina “New Yorker cartoon” because it’s dry and a handful of people have laughed at it
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) October 16, 2016
3.
What’s YOUR body type? pic.twitter.com/07dL0LjufT
— Gemma Correll (@gemmacorrell) January 22, 2015
4.
— Ruby (@rubyetc) February 24, 2017
5.
[Batman at McDonald’s]
What’s your chicken sandwich called?
-A McChicken
And the rib?
-A McRib
[pulls out his batwallet] I like your style.— OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) May 1, 2015
6.
I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter shortening its name to Alt Butter
— Cal Wilson (@calbo) January 24, 2017
7.
Rhinos are just fat, dirty unicorns.
— Sam (@sam_bambs) June 19, 2016
8.
Well you can tell by the way I use my walk
I’m a butter man
No time for Stork #GBBO pic.twitter.com/JjDSAzwmHc— kath 🙀❄️ (@KathyBurke) September 22, 2016
9.
Dear Couples Who Fight In Public, stop trying to whisper and would it kill you to include some backstory.
— maura quint (@behindyourback) November 2, 2015
10.
me at hotel: *pushing all the continental breakfast tables together*
hotel security: miss why are you-
me: PANGEA BREAKFAST
— keely flaherty (@keelyflaherty) December 14, 2016
11.
Sad that there are more black people in Beyoncé right now, than in Trumps entire cabinet team.
— Gráinne Maguire (@GrainneMaguire) February 1, 2017
12.
i need to see a birth certificate to be sure Donald Trump was born and not summoned
— ziwe (@ziwe) January 8, 2017
13.
Wait is this the mansplainin emoj
— Chelsea Peretti (@chelseaperetti) June 28, 2016
14.
DATING TIP: If you fill up a backpack with hot bread and wear it to bed it feels like spooning
— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) September 27, 2015
15.
If Janet Jackson doesn’t call her new baby ‘Imsorrymiss’ then what is the actual point.
— Ciara Knight (@Ciara_Knight) May 4, 2016
16.
Biden: Trump better not get in my face… cos I’ll drop that motherfucker
Obama: Joe.
Biden: pic.twitter.com/oB6kUbBvuQ— Mollie Goodfellow (@hansmollman) November 10, 2016
17.
Me: Excuse me sir, what's your Wi-Fi password?
Him: *[Leans in] *[Whispers angrily]
THIS IS A FUNERALMe: *[Types in]
THIS IS A FUNERAL— Saucy Kensington (@Book_Krazy) June 14, 2014
18.
One for the money
Two for the show
Three to get ready
Four for marketing
Five for customer services
Six to hear these options again— Mitten d’Amour (@MittenDAmour) April 14, 2015
19.
TV idea: Celebrity chef cookery prog where they have to do the washing up after. Let’s see how many ingredients and pans they use then.
— Science (@Scientits) April 2, 2016
20.
People who finish their entire stick of lip balm without losing it first should be the only ones allowed to have kids.
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) February 20, 2015
21.
Can someone go back in time and make sure Donald Trump gets into art school?
— Sofie Hagen (@SofieHagen) November 9, 2016
22.
— Beth Evans (@bethevansart) February 13, 2017
23.
why do baby’s clothes need pockets? what do they carry around? baby wallets? fuck off
— Melanie Bracewell (@meladoodle) May 26, 2014
24.
often think about this moment from my parents wedding video where the cameraman just zoomed in on a plate of ham pic.twitter.com/ariepazNFN
— Sophie Gadd (@sophie_gadd) January 25, 2016
25.
Overheard a woman telling another woman “It’s $150 and she supplies all the turtles” and whatever it is, I’m in.
— Jessie (@NicCageMatch) February 19, 2016
26.
— Diane Morgan (@missdianemorgan) June 27, 2014
27.
— Sarah Andersen (@SarahCAndersen) December 21, 2016
28.
— Jessie Cave (@jessiecave) September 10, 2016
29.
Women who say getting married was the best day of their life have obviously never had 2 Kitkats fall out of a vending machine by mistake.
— Periwinkle Jones (@peachesanscream) June 10, 2014
30.
if you only see one film this year PLEASE TAKE ME i am so alone lol
— lolly (@lollyadefope) November 6, 2014
31.
If I had a pound for every time we left the EU, I’d have 89p.
— Bec Hill (@bechillcomedian) June 24, 2016
32.
Queen looks like she’s been doctored in Microsoft Paint. pic.twitter.com/v6K7bb3dbE
— Suze Azzopardi (@TheAzzo) June 11, 2016
33.
Donald Trump is what happens when you tell a child all his ideas are special.
— shauna (@goldengateblond) August 7, 2015
34.
INTERVIEWER: It says here you can communicate telepathically?
ME:
IN: Is this an ability you have always had?
ME:
IN: Please say something.— The Lady of Whatever (@Bexdora) February 7, 2016
35.
I could have sworn I had some Supernoodles in here. pic.twitter.com/RtHV1cOT4w
— Oonagh (@Okeating) March 3, 2016
36.
I see Prince George is still being dressed like the ghost of a boy who died in the Blitz.
— scriblit (@Scriblit) June 6, 2015
37.
Nobody loves Friday as much as a 40- something woman posting minion memes about wine
— Rachael (@RachaelvsWorld) September 16, 2016
38.
is there any difference now between reading the news and screaming
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) November 21, 2016
39.
A duck is just a floating kazoo.
— Ally (@TragicAllyHere) November 15, 2016
40.
The volume of your motorcycle won’t bring your ex-wife back.
— Vanessa Ramos (@thatRamosgirl) February 24, 2016