Jilted man’s brilliantly bitter ad for ex-wife’s engagement ring: “Worn by Satan herself”

Anyone who’s ever been dumped – that’s everyone, right? – will enjoy this guy’s online ad selling his ex-wife’s engagement ring.

No break-up’s ever easy, right? Except this one was particularly traumatic for Craig Holden, from Newport in south Wales, if the text accompanying his Gumtree ad is anything to go by.

He goes for it. Like, he REALLY GOES FOR IT.

[quote by=”XX” cited=”XX”]
As a simple, quiet, reserved and generous gentleman I began courting a young lady (who would then spawn into Satan, through witchcraft or voodoo – who knew?) who I then regrettably proposed to after seeing her for 3 years, everything was fine, we were young everything was fine, then it began, the rage, it boiled, her eyes glazed over and her head span 360 degrees on a daily basis and she spewed venomous insults toward my aching heart.

I, suffering with anxiety thought it was I that was the problem, oh no. What was the real problem was the possession of the Well Devil, a devil that dwelled in the depths of, well, wells…. self explanatory.

Fast forward to the ten year mark, one day Satan awoke from its slumber and said “listen here, mere mortal… I *SATAN* (can’t use her real name for legal reasons) don’t like you” in a nutshell, so as I was about to unleash a torrent of truth upon the vile beast, Jesus appeared to me and said “listen here child, you must leave, you must go forth and become at one with your inner self. Become happy, I died for your sins, so go sinning bro!!” So, I packed my bags and left.

The end – and now I’m happy.

Serious offers only, ring is size fat and it’s 1/4 carat, gold and selling as the ring, not for the gold.

Disclaimer – although worn by Satan herself it does not possess any magical powers or any black magic. Cannot guarantee it’s 100% safe to be worn by those of faith.[/quote]

“Size fat”. Leave it Craig, she’s not worth it!