Just 59 of the very best Victoria Wood quotes
21.
Is genitalia the silver stuff you drape over the branches? pic.twitter.com/aVmB3V3jsb
— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) December 21, 2016
22.
Everywhere in Scotland is spelt 'Ecclefechan', but pronounced 'Kirkcudbright'. pic.twitter.com/pk2BdfKwye
— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) January 10, 2017
23.
I'm apparently something of a celebrity since I walked the Pennine Way in slingbacks in an attempt to publicise mental health. pic.twitter.com/YPdyYIyf0c
— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) December 15, 2016
24.
I've loved you since the first minute you gave me extra gravy. pic.twitter.com/NwnN0CIilf
— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) February 14, 2017
25.
Welcome to my Friday night low-impact class for fatties with attitude. Welcome to Fattitude! pic.twitter.com/a7yZ30yuNt
— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) March 24, 2017
26.
Delia Smith's never got syphilis. How dare they! Don't tell me a woman with spotless tea towels would stoop to that kind of infection! pic.twitter.com/dV7cLS5Tv8
— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) February 18, 2017
27.
"But where are the three little trees?"
"They're not real trees, they're symbolic."
"Like Pinter?" pic.twitter.com/pNPmUfG0bk— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) January 17, 2017
28.
"There's croutons."
"With my molars? Filthy French habit." pic.twitter.com/SCKWI24ipE— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) March 18, 2017
29.
I've met Mr Wrong. I've met several Mr Reasonably Okays. I've spent a very long afternoon in a bus shelter with Mr Halitosis. pic.twitter.com/SQYEgMJn4s
— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) February 7, 2017
30.
"It's a melting pot, Stan. We're just going to toss ideas into the pot."
"It's a toss pot." pic.twitter.com/FbCu7biRiG— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) February 27, 2017
31.
It's just one of the things I've always wanted to do, swim the Channel. And meet Bonnie Tyler. pic.twitter.com/eIcNU66LLb
— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) March 19, 2017
32.
She'd come round on her way back from giving blood – and why they want it beats me, because the way she eats, it must be A Rhesus Nougat. pic.twitter.com/Vvifvdiljj
— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) February 23, 2017
33.
The director did us a quiche. I suppose it's his acne but I definitely detected a tang of Clearasil. pic.twitter.com/5O4TxM2WAn
— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) March 23, 2017
34.
Can I order my toast now? I've got to fax Tokyo. pic.twitter.com/MGg3uQnRCA
— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) March 14, 2017
35.
She was wearing a pair of bright red lycra cycling shorts. From the back it looked like two halves of Edam. pic.twitter.com/h0apVvIIbF
— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) February 13, 2017
36.
I said to Col – get your duffle. Two pounds on a box of Quality Street and somebody says 'womb'. pic.twitter.com/hmTpZjzoV3
— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) March 5, 2017
37.
I sometimes think being widowed is God's way of telling you to come off the pill. pic.twitter.com/f3gBpOgHf4
— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) January 13, 2017
38.
"Can't they operate?"
"I haven't time to go in, I'm on the phone night and day about that carpet." pic.twitter.com/Qt5oweyBmT— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) February 12, 2017
39.
Yes, I do look rather startled, don't I? It was taken in a photo booth, and someone had just poked an eclair through the curtains. pic.twitter.com/TmOZnHSTKU
— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) December 7, 2016
40.
Anyway, we reached a compromise. I got what I wanted, and they didn't. pic.twitter.com/0rCHGLwWWz
— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) December 31, 2016