An author asked for jokes to kill the boredom in A&E – these 21 are so bad, they’re brilliant

Liverpool author, Frank Cottrell-Boyce is best known for his award-winning books – including Millions, Framed and Sputnik’s Guide to Life on Earth – and for the part he played in the creation of the stunning opening ceremony of the 2012 Olympics in London. He also has a popular Twitter account, which he runs with typical good humour and openness.

Recently, he was unfortunate enough to need to pay a visit to the Accident and Emergency department, so – knowing he’d be in for a long wait – he asked Twitter to entertain him with some jokes.

We’re not saying you won’t have heard these before, but we are saying that they’re so bad, they’re actually really funny. Enjoy.

1.

I hate the new pound coin: but then again I don’t like change

— Paddy O’Connell (@bbcpaddy) August 10, 2018

2.

Why do anarchists drink herbal tea?
Coz proper tea is theft.

— Sam Whyte (@SamWhyte) August 10, 2018

3.

I used to play the triangle in a reggae band but I had to quit.
It was just one ting after another.

— Tony Schumacher (@tonyshoey) August 10, 2018

4.

How much did the cockney pay for shampoo? Pantene

— Hardy Perennial (@libbyhb) August 10, 2018

5.

A farmer has 38 sheep which he tells his collie dog to collect into a pen. When they are all inside the farmer counts them. ‘There’s 40 sheep here,’ he says to the collie who replies, ‘I know, I rounded them up.’

— Hilary McKay (@hilary_mckay) August 10, 2018

6.

Did you hear about the drummer who named all four of his daughters Anna?

Anna 1
Anna 2
Anna 3
Anna 4

— Jim Turner (@Jimbo12421) August 10, 2018

7.

How does the Man in the Moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.

— SL Grimshaw (@mitsou48) August 10, 2018

8.

Two prawns talking: “I’m really worried about Mum and Dad. They went to a cocktail party last night and haven’t come home yet.”

— Jonathan Calder (@lordbonkers) August 10, 2018

9.

How do you get Pikachu on a bus? You Pokemon.

— Hardy Perennial (@libbyhb) August 10, 2018

10.

I read a book on anti gravity. I couldn’t put it down

— Celestine & the Hare (@andtheHare) August 11, 2018

11.

What’s the difference between a disused Greyhound depot and a lobster with breast implants? Well, one’s a crusty bus station and the other…

— The Doctor in London 1965 (@oncomingspork) August 11, 2018