25 funniest jokes of the week
13.
https://twitter.com/halemcs/status/1102995215185596419
14.
Scientists now believe an achy breaky heart was the reason for the Billyraysaurus becoming extinct.
— Neil (@_Enanem_) March 6, 2019
15.
When I finish this… they are fucked. pic.twitter.com/ZDYgMzx5AH
— amanda abbington (@CHIMPSINSOCKS) March 7, 2019
16.
They could have added Sitler to it.
So disappointed pic.twitter.com/aZSQhhaS5R— joe heenan (@joeheenan) March 6, 2019
17.
I’ve created a spreadsheet which notes everything I’m gonna give up until Easter
It’s excel lent
No you shut up
— vivienne clore (@Vivienneclore) March 7, 2019
18.
Being a dog:
Only live 10-15 years
Often neutered
Have to wee & poo outside regardless of weatherbut
Free food & lodging
Sleep a lot
No work
All the sticks you can eat
Get called good boy/girl
Public licking not frowned upon
Completely unaware of brexitI think I'd take it.
— GlennyRodge (@GlennyRodge) March 7, 2019
19.
Donald Trump is a sociopath and must be removed from power.
And no, I’m not a psychiatrist. I’m not a meteorologist either, but I know when it’s fucking raining.
— Damien Owens (@OwensDamien) March 6, 2019
20.
5 yo: I want the cereal with the best prize
10 yo: I want the cereal with the most sugar
20 yo: I want the cereal that doubles as dinner
30 yo: I want the cereal that makes me forget I want to die
40: Cereal is too spicy for my tummy
— Pru (@prufrockluvsong) March 2, 2019
21.
https://twitter.com/amateuradam/status/1103071749569171456
22.
“Are you sure the ‘implied strangulation by an effete barrister in a condemned Edwardian boarding house’ look is the best way to flog women's shoes?”
“Yes. Now imply harder”. pic.twitter.com/1BVRcVKZjI— Sarah Dempster (@Dempster2000) March 5, 2019
23.
Do you think a light bulb appeared above Edison’s head when he had the idea for electricity ?
— Tiffany Stevenson (@tiffstevenson) March 7, 2019
24.
To anyone who thinks they have it harder than me: There is a person in my life who, every time I text them, CALLS ME BACK.
— Kristen Bartlett (@kristencheeks) March 6, 2019
25.
Just been to a baby massage class. I can recommend it. Babies have surprisingly strong fingers, & refreshingly little chat
— Sanjeev Kohli (@govindajeggy) March 7, 2019