Simply 23 brilliantly terrible dad jokes that are guaranteed to take the edge off

13.

My wife told me to stop singing "I'm A Believer" or she'd kill me. I thought she was kidding.

Then I saw her face…😱

— Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) February 6, 2019

14.

I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes.

Now I have Heinzsight.

— Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) November 29, 2019

15.

How much space will Brexit free up in the European Union?

1 GB.

— Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) January 30, 2020

16.

I’m reading a horror book in Braille. Something terrible’s about to happen.

I can feel it.

— Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) January 1, 2020

17.

A pessimist sees a dark tunnel.

An optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel.

A realist sees a freight train.

The train driver sees three idiots standing on the track.

— Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) October 21, 2019

18.

I went into a pet shop and asked for twelve bees. The shopkeeper counted out thirteen and handed them over.

“You’ve given me one too many.”

“That one is a freebie.”

— Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) July 30, 2019

19.

Her: What do you do?

Me: I race cars.

Her: Do you win many races?

Me: No, the cars are much faster.

— Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) November 11, 2019

20.

A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.

The wife asks: “Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?”

He said: “They had avocados.”

— Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) August 2, 2019

21.

I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet?

I asked my 18 brothers and sisters and they don’t know either.

— Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) March 4, 2019

22.

Why do 9 ants get to live in an apartment for free?

Because they’re not tenants.

— Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) July 4, 2019

23.

Bro, can you pass me that pamphlet?

Brochure.

— Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) February 7, 2020

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