People are sharing the ‘hauntingly specific insults’ they’ve suffered and these 25 are awfully brilliant
It all began when the great Sarah Dempster – @Dempster2000 on Twitter – asked people to share the ‘specific insults’ that they’ve received before sharing one of her own.
What’s the most hauntingly specific insult you’ve ever received? I once made a joke about Dennis Waterman’s dentures and a man wrote to tell me I was “obviously lonely”.
— Sarah Dempster (@Dempster2000) March 17, 2020
And lots of people responded with a whole bunch of insults that were very funny and, well, very, very specific.
Here are our favourite 25, including a couple more from Sarah herself.
1.
“Fucking statue!” shouted at me from a car, when I was standing still, reading a book.
— Nathaniel Tapley (@Natt) March 17, 2020
2.
“If you were in a photograph and there was nothing to show scale, you’d have quite a nice figure”
— @LucyMangan (@LucyMangan) March 17, 2020
3.
Was once playing a gig and a drunk man shouted up “You’re having your fun, but what about us?”
— Lisa Carey (@msleedy) March 17, 2020
4.
I criticised Zoella and one of her fans said I sounded like I was 40, which was obviously the most terrible insult they could think of. I was, in fact, 40
— Anita Singh (@anitathetweeter) March 17, 2020
5.
Below the line comment to something I’d written: “He writes what he knows. Which is why his columns are so empty.”
— Robert Webb (@arobertwebb) March 17, 2020
6.
Any good comebacks tho?
I once told Steven Wells not to put his head under the pillow at bed time because the twat fairy might come for it.
— David Quantick (@quantick) March 17, 2020
7.
Someone described my autobiography as being a bit ‘Me, me, me.’
— Sarah Millican (@SarahMillican75) March 17, 2020
8.
I stood up on the school bus and a fifth former shouted out “sit the fuck down, moonface.”
— Matthew Holness (@MrHolness) March 17, 2020
9.
Have been called Spock for many years from being a child, as I have slightly pointed ears. As an adult the ear insults almost disappeared until one night in my local I was referred to as ‘Fat Legolas’.
— Dave McCann (@davemc99) March 17, 2020
10.
Radio Four announcer before complaints show: "And if you're David Quantick, you might want to cover your ears." https://t.co/zyBkLvOm7e
— David Quantick (@quantick) March 17, 2020
11.
Bunch of rascally youngsters got on the train. One of the group breaks away and slowly walks up to me, leans in a bit so not too close, and says, ‘Ginger Wolverine’, before scarpering
— Toby Earle (@TobyonTV) March 17, 2020
12.
— barney farmer (@barneyfarmer) March 17, 2020