Lockdown Laughs: 10 things we learned from week 3 in isolation
1. The Police ain’t messing around
police stopped me in tesco buying a three-pack of cornettos. asked to inspect my hands for clapping. 'not red enough'. the cones go back on the shelf. i'm tweeting this from a riot van
— Joel Exotic (@joelgolby) April 9, 2020
2. People are missing Pret
I miss Pret so much I might make myself a bland sandwich and throw a fiver out the window
— Katherine Denham (@katjdenham) April 9, 2020
3. Naps aren’t helping
naps aren’t as enjoyable when you’re just using them to skip ahead a few hours
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) April 11, 2020
4. Literature has all the answers
jane austen understood that nothing is sexier than standing seven feet away from someone, making brief eye contact, and then going home
— chloe 🍭 wang yibo hell hours (@chlosephine_) April 5, 2020
5. We’re learning new things about our partners
two weeks into lockdown and I can only conclude my boyfriend's job is to speak on the phone to men called Nathaniel and say the phrase "Good stuff"
— Lauren Bensted (@bennylauren) April 8, 2020
6. People are learning new languages
[Text]
UNKNOWN NUMBER: Hey, you busy?ME: Nope, still in lockdown. Who’s this?
*Rips off mask*
DUOLINGO OWL: I fucking knew it! Learn Spanish you piece of shit.— MehGyver (@TheAndrewNadeau) April 7, 2020
7. Celeb chefs are teaching the nation new tricks
I bloody love Jamie Oliver’s Keep Cooking and Carry On because he says you can substitute ingredients for ones you do have in the cupboard. I made his Aubergine Curry Dal with Herby Flatbreads tonight. pic.twitter.com/kYvOnE2LFv
— Tuppence Pennyapple III (@fabulucy) April 6, 2020
8. Productivity goals have shifted
Productivity goals for this day of Our Lord I think it’s Tuesday, whatever.
1: wash face
2: put knickers on
3: that’s it.
— Sarah Phelps (@PhelpsieSarah) April 7, 2020
9. Pray for pets
Day 18 of lock down. Filled the dog with helium. pic.twitter.com/aiGEkhjwhI
— cluedont (@cluedont) April 8, 2020
10. Nice try
tits out for the nhs at 8 tomorrow
— keithy (@442keith) April 8, 2020
Next > This Doncaster Council thread looks totally random but makes its point brilliantly