Our 25 favourite funny tweets of the week
13.
I watched Jamie Oliver's cooking show.
"Guys, this is a great dish to make with ingredients from your cupboard.
Pour some coconut oil into a gold top hat, bosh in some risotto rice, add a tsp of grated unicorn horn, 200g of lemming meat, a wizard's shoe & garnish with gold leaf"— joe heenan (@joeheenan) May 4, 2020
14.
I love watching glass blowing videos because the process is so thrilling and beautiful and mesmerizing and then they show the final product and it’s the ugliest piece of shit I ever saw
— Lizzy (@thedirtbird) May 3, 2020
15.
legends say that only a construction worker who is pure of heart may retrieve it pic.twitter.com/8LX9scRXHX
— Max Q ⚡ (@Randy_Shannon) May 5, 2020
16.
You say potato, I say potato. You say tomato, I say tomato. You say aluminum and I beat you to death with an Oxford English Dictionary.
— Ian Power (@IHPower) May 4, 2020
17.
Imagine if we all tweeted like politicians. Good to meet with my three year-old today to discuss laying the foundations for successful broccoli consumption.
— Michael Spicer (@MrMichaelSpicer) May 1, 2020
18.
Post-update, Microsoft Word just highlighted the word 'damn' and told me it was language that may be offensive to my reader. Well, buckle up @Microsoft – you're in for a heck of a ride.
— Lisa Holdsworth (@WorksWithWords) May 7, 2020
19.
The sad thing is, if he hadn’t been a paedo and dead, Micheal Jackson could have been walking around now in his mask just enjoying the sunshine.
— Lazy Susan (@lazysusan) May 6, 2020
20.
I once played a Beatles record backwards and could hear, "I'LL KILL YOU I'LL KILL YOU."
It was my dad, pissed off that I ruined his Beatles record.— Craig Deeley ️ (@craiguito) May 5, 2020
21.
My wife paid £50 for this bed for our indoor rabbit.
And this is what it sleeps in every night…. pic.twitter.com/jNATdwaj5I
— Berk (@FuriousPiles) May 4, 2020
22.
imagine if this man had been elected in the 21st century pic.twitter.com/c3ybLKlurD
— Marie Le Conte (@youngvulgarian) May 6, 2020
23.
Doing a bit of food shopping pic.twitter.com/Oq7Mn6RAT5
— Paul Haine (@paul_haine) May 6, 2020
24.
if smoking so bad why does it cure salmon
— (5'2") (@ARSONDOER) May 5, 2020
25.
Know what boils my piss? A piss kettle.
— Sam Whyte (@SamWhyte) May 7, 2020
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Our 25 favourite tweets from the past week
Image Rodgers & Hammerstein