Our 100 favourite funny tweets of 2020
51.
Being married is weird, isn’t it?
My husband would give me a kidney if I needed one, but won’t walk into the kitchen to fetch me some crisps.— Twinks (@tinytwink) June 19, 2020
52.
America has just gotten Lidl- for too long they've had to go to separate stores to buys fresh oranges, gilets, wine, foot baths, picnic baskets, boxes of CHAKOLAT bars, pyjamas, tents, mini hoovers, fresh bread, CRANCH KRIZPIEES, bee-keeping masks & unicycles. I wish them well.
— Aisling Bea (@WeeMissBea) June 22, 2020
53.
Look, if they can change Marathon to Snickers, then they can change Parler to NaziChatz. Just saying.
— Stephen McGann (@StephenMcGann) June 26, 2020
54.
Citations needed pic.twitter.com/88W5tPp3rK
— Frank Cottrell-Boyce (@frankcottrell_b) July 1, 2020
55.
For all the shingles ladies. pic.twitter.com/OIs0RSIqGq
— Nick Harvey (@mrnickharvey) June 30, 2020
56.
Follow for more recipes pic.twitter.com/Zp5pyxNO9r
— ThexyBeatht (@thexybeatht) July 4, 2020
57.
SHIRLIE: "Coke please"
BARMAN: "Is Pepsi OK?"
SHIRLIE: "She's fine, can I just have my drink? It’s been 30 years"— Craig Deeley 🇪🇺🏳️🌈 (@craiguito) July 6, 2020
58.
Fingers crossed it’s hummus pic.twitter.com/yh7UDRmgNn
— Paul (@bingowings14) June 18, 2020
59.
I was in the back garden & looked up at the bedroom window.
I saw a small boy looking at me, he smiled & waved.
A chill ran down my spine then I remembered I have a 4 year old son & it was probably him— joe heenan (@joeheenan) July 15, 2020
60.
i personally think cinderella should have lived a happy life with all her animal friends rather than settle for a man who had her try on a shoe because he didn’t recognize her without makeup
— corri (@okiecorri) July 20, 2020
61.
Anyone who thinks money can’t buy happiness has never bought their enemy’s toddler a drum kit.
— Bethany Black 🏳️⚧️ twitch.tv/beffernieblack (@BeffernieBlack) July 20, 2020
62.
I feel like this match is either going to end in a knockout or a quiche. pic.twitter.com/7WCjaaZsV5
— Daniel Maier (@danielmaier) July 26, 2020
63.
I really want my baby daughter to play with gender-appropriate toys. Does anyone know where I can get her a mini glass ceiling?
— Brona C. Titley (@bronactitley) July 26, 2020
64.
good afternoon pic.twitter.com/YX6ZLTmgeS
— Taffy Brodesser-Akner (@taffyakner) July 27, 2020
65.
No one’s taking my phone calls anymore. Beginning to regret changing my name to Spam Risk.
— Michael McKean (@MJMcKean) July 27, 2020
66.
I have a joke about what it's like being a woman on the internet but I need a man to explain it to me.
— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) July 25, 2020
67.
Just realized my “earthquake kit” is a bag of Doritos and one snow boot.
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) July 30, 2020
68.
Not sure about this Kevin Costner reboot… pic.twitter.com/w4VMJTflv3
— Rudolphaelite_Girl❄️Excluded from all govt support (@Raphaelite_Girl) August 6, 2020
69.
Have you ever removed fabric covers from furntiture- had them cleaned – then tried to put them back on?
It’s like trying to get into jeans you wore when you were 23— Kate Robbins (@KateRobbins) August 4, 2020
70.
This picture of Noel Gallagher and Meg Mathews look like they’ve gone to the Manchester Evening News fuming over a dodgy Pot Noodle from their local pound store and want compo. pic.twitter.com/tCTeAv7Dut
— Angry People in Local Newspapers (@angrypiln) August 10, 2020
71.
Julie Andrews’ Daily Schedule:
1. Impersonate Homer Simpson
2. Read about bushcraft
3. Watch ludicrously silly play
4. Replace button on blouse
5. Start making coffee flavoured breadD’oh, Ray Mears, Farce, Sew, Latte Dough.
— Flups (@TheRealFlups) August 22, 2020
72.
— Mrs Phil Merry 🎄 (@MrsPhilPerry) August 16, 2020
73.
People with a huge ego, looking in the mirror like… pic.twitter.com/ULpx2CoFvw
— mᎥᏦᎬ ᏞᎥᏆᎬᏒᎪᏞᏞᎽ✪ (@SkippyMcGizzard) August 15, 2020
74.
🎵tale as old as time🎵 pic.twitter.com/pwzoqWlsAj
— Sarah Dempster (@Dempster2000) August 17, 2020
75.
They said, "Don't eat food your grandparents wouldn't recognise." So I've given up salad.
— We Three Alasdair Beckett-Kings (@MisterABK) August 18, 2020
76.
Idea: an app which informs you that you have in fact got five jars of cumin in the cupboard when you’re in the supermarket and you definitely don’t need to buy another one “just in case”
— Isy Suttie (@Isysuttie) August 26, 2020
77.
New Spider-Man film but it’s about the spider that bit Peter Parker becoming short-sighted, turning into a massive nerd and getting bullied by all the other spiders.
— Jake Lambert (@LittleLostLad) August 24, 2020
78
If it weren't for the numbers on the front of buses, I honestly wouldn't be able to tell them apart.
— Joe Wilkinson (@gillinghamjoe) August 26, 2020
79.
we put a man on the moon and yet we don't have a smoke detector that will shut off when i yell "i am just cooking u fucking idiot"
— tatum (@50FirstTates) August 31, 2020
80.
Just found Son’s baby book & look what the fuck was I thinking? pic.twitter.com/BVJMPvuDtP
— 🎄KM ✨ (@AnchorCake) September 1, 2020
81.
I’m starting an “EveryoneExceptFans” account where I put even more clothes on
— Martha Kelly (@MarthaKelly3) August 29, 2020
82.
"My back hurts all the time for no reason."
How I sit every day: pic.twitter.com/E8W9PDfYSc
— Knixx (@Knishkabob) September 7, 2020
83.
The progression of all Twitter debates pic.twitter.com/K2vjwdXy7L
— Annika H Rothstein (@truthandfiction) September 6, 2020
84.
In space there is no gender. Only shirt colours. Doctors be like “congrats! It’s a science officer!”
— frosty the snowLen (@SkeletonCrimes) September 9, 2020
85.
Jurrasic Park passes the Bechdel test because all the dinosaurs are girls and they talk to each other about eating people
— Lauren Schwein (@laurenschwein) September 12, 2020
86.
If spiders are more scared of me than I am of them what fuck are they doing in my fucking house?
— Sooz "Christmas" Kempner (@SoozUK) September 13, 2020
87.
In the UK, this show was called CRiSPs pic.twitter.com/EbMrLzS2nz
— Dan McDaid! (@danmcdaid) September 13, 2020
88.
My kids are so well trained. They come straight down for dinner as soon as they hear the smoke alarm.
— Jayne Sharp (@Jaynesharp) September 14, 2020
89.
Why does every photo of Jared Kushner look like he’s about to take the last slice of pizza pic.twitter.com/6cmg2bdHDc
— Sarah Cooper (@sarahcpr) September 18, 2020
90.
Bet we’d all own houses if we stopped eating so much avocado toast and committed more tax fraud.
— Kashana (@kashanacauley) September 27, 2020
91.
FRIEND: I miss hugging people
ME: Probably a depth perception issue
— mo (@chuuew) November 25, 2020
92.
Have the people who think Bill Gates is supergenius capable of a global conspiracy to microchip everybody using vaccines tried using Bing
— James Felton (@JimMFelton) December 8, 2020
93.
hi! my name’s arabella: i’m a size 4, my parents bought me a house in london fields and here’s my 17 minute video on why YOU need to stop buying fast fashion!!!!!!!!!!
— lolly (@lollyadefope) October 6, 2020
94.
When I am an old woman I shall wear orange
so the grandkids can't write a shit poem about me— Sam Whyte (@SamWhyte) October 6, 2020
95.
Can't believe rich people can afford panic rooms and I just have to panic in normal rooms like an idiot.
— TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) October 11, 2020
96.
[Auditioning for Cats]
Producer: Here's the script
Me: *pushes it off table*
Producer: You're hired— Andy Ryan (@ItsAndyRyan) October 16, 2020
97.
Every day around midnight, I'm shocked to find out it's only 6pm.
— • (@koolgalkay) November 11, 2020
98.
Meryl Streep in Me in my
her 60s 20s pic.twitter.com/Dlf2quofpE— mari (na) christmas (@streepsoul) November 15, 2020
99.
The sun’s light travels 93 million miles to reach us, only to be outsmarted by curtains
— Zoë Tomalin (@ZoeTomalin) May 22, 2020
100.
me too he’s not special pic.twitter.com/i3SnvD8fuP
— anja (@internetanja) December 15, 2020
Here’s to another year of funny tweets.
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Simply 93 very funny tweets to make your day better
Image Alexandra Haddow, Nick Fewings on Unsplash