21 funny, savage and just plain weird genuine quotes from grandmas

Poke Staff. Updated March 31st, 2022

The older you get, the more stuff you can get away with. Boris Johnson must be about 476.

It’s this fact that makes grandparents a particularly good source of funny quotes, which probably explains why Jimmy Fallon set this challenge.

It's Hashtags time! Tweet out a funny or weird thing your grandma has said and tag it with #NanaQuotes. Could be on the show!

— jimmy fallon (@jimmyfallon) March 28, 2022

He added one of his own – though not actually from his grandma.

My friend’s nana would always start grace by saying, “Food is here, I’ve got my beer, thank God.” #NanaQuotes

— jimmy fallon (@jimmyfallon) March 28, 2022

He was far from being the only one with a good story to share – and these examples contain wit, wisdom and a little bit of profanity.

We were moving far away & my grandma thought she'd never see us again this side of heaven. She hugged me and said, "See you in the Big House."

I didn't have the heart to tell her that was slang for prison, not heaven. #nanaquotes

— Tsh Oxenreider (@tsh) March 28, 2022

Once my brother's ex-girlfriend texted all through dinner. When Grandma was ready to leave she said to her, "Next time I'll bring my phone so we can talk." #NanaQuotes

— Kristin Symer (@brainiac0327) March 28, 2022

#NanaQuotes Nana: “ooo, looks like there’s a storm comin’ in tonight. I better wear my lipstick to bed in case the house blows away and I’m on the evening news.”

— Jennie (@JennieGraceS) March 28, 2022

My grandma used to say, hard times will make a monkey eat pepper and tell you it's sweet…

I'm 40 and I still don't know what that means…#NanaQuotes https://t.co/Tp6W99lVNe

— Deja M. Burt (@Hoosyourdaddy99) March 29, 2022

My Grammy loves Lincoln & buys any book about him. She read one & wrote her review in it (in case someone finds it in her house when she dies):

“this book was AWFUL. the author clearly did not study Lincoln’s character!!”

the book? “Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter” #NanaQuotes

— jo (@jolie_e_carr) March 28, 2022

Scene: 10 year old girl at a crowded restaurant with her family. Me: “I’m going to the restroom.” Nana (yelling to me like we were at the staples Center): “Remember, don’t sit on the seat, hover like a helicopter. Hover!” #NanaQuotes

— allyson (@acbazan) March 28, 2022

Nana: Do you have any playboys? Walmart employee: Walmart doesn’t carry playboys… Nana: Sure you do! My grandsons have them! WME: Do you mean gameboy? Nana: Yeah, that’s it! I want to play Tetris! #NanaQuotes

— Lockjaw2814 (@lockjaw2814) March 28, 2022

My grandmother told me that when the phone rings it's a request not a demand #NanaQuotes love and miss you granny Nicki ❣

— ✝️ Marie L. (@MarieLa73926824) March 29, 2022

My Nan always described a bad situation as "enough to make you s**t something you never ate."#NanaQuotes https://t.co/0bU9mIxgCe

— Schneider's Moustache (@SchneiderStache) March 29, 2022

10.

#NanaQuotes
She'd pull a glass from the freezer and say it was time for her "super water", A.K.A Vodka

— The none and only Bill (@sportsfan926) March 28, 2022

11.

During the infamous NYC blackout of 1977, while staring out the window at the traffic, my grandma remarked, "But why are all the car lights on?"#NanaQuotes

— Jess Rosen (@JeskaLR17) March 28, 2022

12.

I had a big cuddly grandma who took me fishing and said “Let’s go catch a bass as big as my ass!” And we did!

And then I had to miss recess for telling my class about it during show-and-tell. #NanaQuotes #WorthIt pic.twitter.com/bidfNCvcnY

— CK (@charley_ck14) March 28, 2022

13.

At 2 am an ice storm caused one of the transformers on our street to explode and neighborhood lost power. We ran into grams room and asked her what happened. She sat up in bed and said "Go get me some celery. I can't think when I'm hungry" #NanaQuotes

— . D (@ShortnSassyII) March 29, 2022

14.

My dad was giving a speech at my brother’s wedding. He started to get choked up and stopped speaking for a second and just when it’s dead silent, my grandmother says “should’ve wrote it down” #NanaQuotes

— Mike (@mstorey893) March 28, 2022

15.

Me: there are 8 verses to “When the Saint Go Marching In.” I can do all of them if you’d like.
Grandma: I’d rather die. #NanaQuotes

— Auntie Rach (@raegay218) March 28, 2022

16.

My grandparents were talking about who would pass away first. Grandma looks Grandpa in the eye and says, “Don’t worry, it only takes three weeks for someone to starve to death. You’ll be right behind me.” #NanaQuotes

— Missus Bone (she/her) (@MBonewizard) March 28, 2022

17.

My grandma lived her last 30ish years in a 'Senior' high rise. In her 90s, she complained about being annoyed with all the "old people" that lived there. I reminded her she was the oldest tenant there. She said, "Yes, but they think old. I do not." She wasn't wrong. #NanaQuotes

— Kate (@ktqck) March 28, 2022

18.

“Ain’t nothing open past midnight except legs.” #NanaQuotes https://t.co/2ClSnhwHBm

— Queen Elizabeth ✨ (@EsOnHerChest) March 28, 2022

19.

If a good looking guy popped up on TV my Nana would say, “I’d let him eat crackers in my bed.” #NanaQuotes

— MLB (@ShellyBeans1308) March 28, 2022

20.

“Nobody likes a Nasty Grandma” is one of the funniest things I’ve heard my Grammy say. Bonus pic of her finishing off a bottle of wine. #NanaQuotes pic.twitter.com/BAdg8nkzhC

— Amy (@a_i_w1) March 29, 2022

21.

#NanaQuotes "Be true to your teeth or they'll be false to you." https://t.co/9jazhZEkpa

— Ocean Dreams (@LightLovePhoto) March 29, 2022

BONUS

My Nana once told me if you can't be pretty, make sure you can tell a joke.

I still have the Joke Book she gave me for my Birthday. #NanaQuotes

— JERSEY GIRL LEeGEND (@iamtheLEeGEND) March 28, 2022

Ouch!

Source Jimmy Fallon Image kor_el_ya on Pixabay