An appeal for school urban legends went out and Michael Rosen’s was the only answer in town

It all began when @keewa over on Twitter put the call out on Twitter for people to share the urban legends that went round their school.

What were the urban legends at your school? There was a rumour that one boy at our school got rugby tackled so hard, his balls went back inside his body and he needed surgery

— keewa (@keewa) April 19, 2022

And it prompted no end of interesting replies, some of which were also urban legends around the schools we went to.

1.

Some kid killed himself during an exam by putting two pencils in his nostrils and slamming his head into the desk. This was basically treated as fact even though there were no actual details

— Mr Socko (@laotianrockrat) April 19, 2022

2.

The one at my school was that, on a school trip to Edinburgh Zoo, a boy had grabbed a penguin during the penguin walk and stuffed it in his bag. This was not noticed until the school bus was returning home. I subsequently found out that this is a common rumour in Scottish schools

— Michael Scanlan (@ScanlanWithAnA) April 19, 2022

3.

Oh and that a particularly licentious sixth-former had used a crisp packet as a condom

— keewa (@keewa) April 19, 2022

4.

Every school had one boy rumoured to have one testicle. I think that when Thatcher stole the milk she gave each school a mono-bollocked boy in compensation. In my school it was One Baw Mooney.

— Michael Scanlan (@ScanlanWithAnA) April 19, 2022

I mean, the name was a dead giveaway

— Gene Hunt (@avin_oops) April 19, 2022

5.

A WW2 bomber crashed into the tiny village pond. Every hundred years, the bomber rises up out of the pond terrifying the village.

Every 100 years it does that. Like clockwork.

— Robert Morgan (@robcmorgan) April 19, 2022

But really there was only one answer in town, this one from poet, author and all round fabulous person, Michael Rosen.

Someone chewed his nails so much that they collected together in a pouch just above his genitals and he had to be operated on to get them out.

— Michael Rosen 💙💙🎓🎓 (@MichaelRosenYes) April 19, 2022

Oof.

Oh wow, that is *way* out there

— keewa (@keewa) April 19, 2022

Michael, did *you* start this rumour? Because I feel like there's a writer's hand at work here.

— Bela Lugosi's Dad (@unethicalprude) April 19, 2022

it’s so oddly specific!

— Foundation for Mike Gapes Research (@milkgapes) April 19, 2022

That means it must be true

— Yung Lenin (@YungL1917) April 19, 2022

Last word to this person.

I once explained to someone what an apocryphal tale was, using the example of the boy who put two pencils up his nose during an exam and banged his head off the table in an exam. The person said: “Oh yeah, that happened in my school.” I will never, ever get that five minutes back

— Nick Shepley (@NickShepley) April 19, 2022

Oh, and this.

https://twitter.com/shinyandnew70/status/1516410146842464265?s=20&t=QB6hbnqi_U9wnkp-47dyiA

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Source Twitter @keewa