15 times ‘God Creating Animals’ made Twitter a happier place
God Creating Animals on Twitter, which is the brainchild of Charles Peterson, is one of those precious things on the increasingly precarious platform – an account that brings nothing but joy.
Many of its tweets are, as the name hints at, about the conversations that might just have happened between God and the animals He was creating – to absolutely hilarious effect.
We chose 15 that beautifully represent the humour.
1.
God: you’re a kiwi.
Kiwi: so I’m a bird but I can’t fly?
God: true but you can do something other birds CAN’T.
Kiwi: really what’s that?
God: you can smell through your beak so good!
Kiwi:
God:
Kiwi: wanna know what I smell right now?
God: sure!
Kiwi: I smell bullsh-
— God Creating Animals (@GodAnimalBooks) November 1, 2022
2.
God: you’re a bat.
Bat: ok.
God: you have terrible eyesight.
Bat: oh no!
God: but I’ve got a pretty great solution for you.
Bat: yay!
God: you scream, fly in a direction and try not to crash into a wall.
Bat:
God:
Bat: I thought you were gonna say glasses or something.
— God Creating Animals (@GodAnimalBooks) September 28, 2022
3.
God: you’re a komodo dragon.
Komodo Dragon: what does that mean?
God: you’re the largest lizard ever.
Komodo Dragon: so I’m Godzilla?
God: w-what?
Komodo Dragon: I can’t believe i’m Godzilla!
God: no that’s not what I me-
Komodo Dragon: RAWR RAWR STOMP STOMP : )
— God Creating Animals (@GodAnimalBooks) September 22, 2022
4.
God: you’re basically a slug but you have a shell on your back.
Snail: nice!
God: and you leave a trail of slime wherever you go.
Snail: sounds gross.
God: it kindof is.
Snail: so why did you make me?
God: [massaging snail slime into cheeks and looking radiant] what’s that?
— God Creating Animals (@GodAnimalBooks) July 26, 2022
5.
God: you’re a ring tailed lemur.
Lemur: why do I have so many rings?
God: 3 rings for the Elven kings under the sky.
Lemur:
God: 7 for the Dwarf lords in their halls of stone.
Lemur:
God: 9 for Mortal Men doomed to die.
Lemur:
God: 1 Ring to-
Lemur: [under breath] nerd.
— God Creating Animals (@GodAnimalBooks) June 13, 2022
6.
God: you’re a bat.
Bat: what does that mean?
God: you’re the only mammal that can fly!
Bat: seems unnecessary.
God: at least you’re not a bird that can’t fly.
Bat: omg can you imagine? lol.
God: lol.
Emu: [eyes narrowed] I shall have my revenge in this life or the next.
— God Creating Animals (@GodAnimalBooks) September 23, 2022
7.
God: you’re a cat.
Cat: I wanna be fast.
God: ok.
Cat: and agile.
God: sure.
Cat: and I wanna climb up anything.
God: done.
Cat: [evil laugh] fool now I’m unstoppable!
God: lol sure you are little buddy.
[later]
Cat: [stuck in a tree] touché God touché.
— God Creating Animals (@GodAnimalBooks) May 16, 2022
8.
God: hey Nessie?
Loch Ness: yes?
God: I thought we agreed that if I made you then you would stay hidden underwater.
Loch Ness: we did.
God: well people keep taking your picture.
Loch Ness: that’s your fault.
God: why?
Loch Ness: I breathe air.
God:
Loch Ness:
God: d’oh!
— God Creating Animals (@GodAnimalBooks) October 5, 2022
9.
God: you’re a snake.
Snake: I don’t like my name.
God: oh.
Snake: got any other options?
God: [checks clipboard] snek?
Snake:
God: nope rope???
Snake:
God: [happy gasp] danger noodle?!?
Snake: you know what snake is fine.
— God Creating Animals (@GodAnimalBooks) May 14, 2022